Grand Theft Auto IV
Welcome Internet, to the first installment of an ongoing series entitled: “My Girlfriend Plays Videogames.” Simply put, I make my girlfriend, Maria, play videogames and I chronicle the results for the amusement of one and all. The article will be separated into two parts, initial reaction and final verdict. Now, without further ado, My Girlfriend Plays Grand Theft Auto IV.
Initial Reaction:
What a game to start with. I booted this bad boy up, placed Niko in the middle of the street on a moped, and set my girlfriend loose upon the unsuspecting streets of Liberty City.
As it turns out, the streets of Liberty City were right to be unsuspecting, because Maria was perhaps the least threatening player of Grand Theft Auto I have ever witnessed. After a brief rundown of the controls, she began puttering down the street on her moped and giggling profusely as she haphazardly weaved her way through traffic. The giggling transformed into all out laughter when she ran head-on into an oncoming truck and Niko flipped over the handle bars and flew twelve feet into the air. She had already discovered the sadistic joys of inflicting needless harm on your poor protagonist. I was so proud of her.
Maria seemed to be having a great time, until she finally did the thing that made her giggling stop once and for all. She ran over a pedestrian, thus garnering the attention of the nearby police. “Oh no,” she said. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to! No! Stop chasing me! I’m sorry!” Unfortunately for Maria, in her attempts to apologize she managed to mow down one of the policemen that was pursuing her, which increased her wanted level to two stars. She fled down the street as fast as she could, loudly proclaiming her sincerest apologies to the world. Her desperate attempts at making amends were silenced however, when the police finally caught up with her and the word “Busted!” was emblazoned on the screen. “Awww…” she moaned, with a defeated look on her face. The defeated look only lasted for a moment, as she found herself outside of the police station with no cops chasing her. Soon she was back to giggling at full force, followed closely by another bout of apologies and running away.
Final Verdict:
“For a few days it was all I wanted to do, but then getting chased by the cops got too stressful and I didn’t want to play anymore.”
I make my girlfriend, Maria, play videogames and I chronicle her reactions and opinions for the sake of science. Or, you know, just for the hell of it. That's what relationships are for, right?
